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Statistics are slippery with post-partum depression, running anywhere from 1%-25% of new moms.  You aren’t alone with this and the side effects you report from the Zoloft are common.  If you plan to continue treatment with an antidepressant, consult with a Board Certified Psychiatrist.  Some medical doctors, general practitioners, don’t have as many resources for treatment and elimination of side effects, as a specialist.  There are several chemically based options that are cousins of Zoloft that may work better for you.  At times post-partum depressive events balance out after a year. Ask your doctor if you could try a wash out period from the Zoloft and see if your current unhappiness is due to side effects of stress, weight and decreased intimacy with your partner or untreated persistent depressive symptoms.  Caution: don’t do this without medical guidance. There can be mild to severe reactions if you just stop an antidepressant.  That’s the medical side of your situation. 

On intuitive exam, your adrenals are weary.  The thyroid gland is being overused and your immune system is overdrawn.  You don’t mention experiencing colds, or other minor illnesses, but it certainly could be the case with your picture of overall physical fatigue.  Be aware that the adrenals are one of the many glands that provide stabilizing hormones for your mood and that this adrenal fatigue looks as if it is longstanding, dating from early teenage years. 

The thyroid and organs of immunity are common places that the adrenals look to for an energy loan when we are tired.  Chronic overdoing of poor sleep habits, sugar use, caffeine replacements for energy and a general stressful life pattern are showing up as habit choices you can change.  All these factors are contributing to the unhappiness, weight gain and decreased sexual response.  You also carry a hyper responsibility pattern for your child and are finding it hard to let others “take over”.  Fears are common and expected with new, first time mothers.  Find a play group, support group, mommy and me yoga or other social and active group for you and your child at the soonest.  Talk about what is worrying you about being a mom.  Engage in talking with your husband in a way he can hear you.  Be non-blameful and honest about your needs for intimacy and see if the two of you can create closeness, even if it does not involve strong sexual response on your part.

The Hard Things:  decrease the caffeine to one cup a day, eliminate all sugars that are added and start to eliminate over a period of a month all snacks that are sugar based for you and baby. Use fruit, teas and water to detox.  Walk twice a day for ten minutes outside. Breathe. Watch your thoughts as you tend to get stuck in negative conversations with yourself and others. Choose joy even when it seems out of reach. Say it out loud.  Start a gratitude journal (or sticky notes!) of five things each day.  Create a bedtime routine that you keep at least 80% of the time.  Look up sleep hygiene on the net and you will find great ideas for the whole family on dialing down the evening stress and getting truly restful sleep.  Often recall how helpful these changes will be for your baby as he grows and develops his own habits. Consult with a skilled practitioner of integrative medicine on supplements that will feed your adrenals, thyroid and brain as you move from surviving to thriving! 
I have been taking Zoloft for a year for a severe depression after having a baby.  I wasn’t suicidal, but I didn’t really care about anything.  My mood is better but I am still unhappy most of the time. The side effects are bothering me: I’ve gained lots of weight and my interest in sex hasn’t returned. My doctor says the side effects are a “trade off” with not being so depressed now.  Is there something else wrong with me?
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that increase consciousness and healing to all. 
What's YOUR Question?

What's the question that you would ask your body, mind or spirit if you could?

What unanswered question do you have about your life purpose or health?

Anonymously submit your question   to our Medical Intuitive below.
By completing this form you give Centered Wellness permission to publish your question and  answer in any CW publications. 

Mary Maynard RN, BSN is certified and trained in professional holistic health. Her medical intuitive practice includes private consultations, writing and speaking.  Teaching and mentoring others in advanced healing practices is a privilege. She welcomes conversation and can be contacted through maryamaynard.com.
With intuitive examination, it is a case of moderate to severe dehydration. This otherwise healthy, young man is working as a landscaper in direct sun up to 7 hours a day. He uses coffee in the morning and soft drinks in the afternoon when he is thirsty.  By evening his cell salt and fluid balance is out of alignment and his vascular circulation is really stressed. He eats a large meal and rests in front of the TV.  Both metabolism and being in a resting state further decrease his circulation.  His heart has to beat faster to compensate for low fluid.  Increased heart rate and increase rate of breathing are symptoms that tell the body to “get help” creating panic-like sensations.  This can worsen during sleep when the lymphatic system works at its hardest to do the job of clearing out the debris of the day.  He has been advised on how to rehydrate himself and replace the cell salts needed to stay in balance.  Seriously cautioned to not use sports drinks.  All sports drinks use bromides and chemicals to create the supposed electrolytes needed for hydration.  Remember, all fluids do not add to your tissue hydration.  For every cup of caffeinated or carbonated drink, your body needs an additional same size amount of water to be able to clear it out of your system.  Even mild dehydration can drain your energy and make you tired. Water is your body's principal chemical component and makes up about 60 percent of your body weight. Every system in your body depends on water. For example, water flushes toxins out of vital organs, carries nutrients to your cells, and provides a moist environment for ear, nose and throat tissues. How much water do you need?  There is debate about volume needed.  Pay attention to thirst symptoms, particularly if you find yourself craving salt. Often you have created a habit of ignoring the thirst symptom and then are hit with salt craving to keep fluid volume stable. If that happens for you, practice a rehydration program with four ounces of clean water every three hours while awake.  If water is repulsive to you, contact a good practitioner in health care that can help you rehydrate safely and easily.  http://www.himalayancrystalsalt.com/sole-recipe.html is a good resource for use of salt to remain balanced and aware of your fluid needs.  
I’m having panic attacks every evening, sometimes they wake me up. I’m so tired in the mornings, I oversleep and I think I could lose my job.  What is the best thing to do? I don’t want to take drugs.
So many aspects of this situation are driven by ancient ancestral pain and grief.  There is a deep wound on the male side of the family indicating feelings of an “abandoned heart”.  This is seventeen generations deep in the emotional DNA.  The female side of the grandchildren’s heritage tend more toward a loss of control fear based in the psychological body. 

Interestingly, this combination of tribal trauma for the male and female parents is leading them to a perfect solution for their children on giving the children ( as projections of their own deep unspoken needs ) a choice in who and how they express their connections and love.  I’m sure you have researched attachment parenting theory so you understand that the allowing of children to choose a hug or kiss is not necessarily a part of the theory.  There is so much debate, and actual argument on attachment parenting, it is of no value in your family situation to ever challenge the parent’s beliefs.  That is a dead end and will lead to more pain and loss.

With these factors under your mental belt you now must look to your strengths which are many. Your need to experience and express love and connection with your grandchildren (and their parents who actually need a lot!) becomes an exercise in creativity. 

Given the parental control issues that are buried in their DNA, it would be wise to take the approach of being neutral and interested in learning about the strategies they use so that you can support them and go with their flow rather than be contentious or feel rejected.  Some suggestions:

  • Create a space in your home that is a play area for natural exchanges of affection.  It can be a “tent” sheet over two kitchen chairs and a sleeping bag that gets erected when the kids are over.  Share that space and make up gentle stories about the animals outside the tent.
  • Have a reading time on the couch or bed if it is close to a nap
  • Sit in a rocking chair or comfortable place for two or three and cuddle a stuffed animal.  Let the kids know how much you love to cuddle the kitty or doggy animal.  Invite them to join you.
  • Give that same stuffed animal a special name that is a little like the child’s,  Give the animal a kiss and hand it to the child with a nonjudgmental comment.  “This stuffed animal is saving my kiss for you-whenever you are ready!  Would you like to give him a kiss too for me for later?

Be aware:
  • Your tone of voice and ability to be out of your own reactions of loss and need is critical. 
  • Be playful, be creative. The children will want to get close and connected with you. 
  • Honor the reality that the relationships have been long distance and give everyone time to warm up to the new way of being together.  
  • Be clear with the parents that you support them and would like their ideas on building relationships that are loving in the way that still follow their beliefs.  
  • Find a practitioner that works to resolve psychological and emotional codes. You can do this without the agreement of the parents, since the codes are tribal and ancestral available in the general DNA.  
  • Meditate on your own needs and be clear that your grandchildren are coming into an amazingly different world with very different needs.  Honor their experience as you work toward balance.

August 12th
My husband and I have been long distance grandparents but have seen our 3 and 6 year old grandkids often. They recently moved back here and every time we see them my daughter-in-law says "do you WANT to give Grandma and Papa a kiss or hug?” Most of the time the answer is "No". They are practicing "Attachment Parenting" and this is where the rule is coming from. This week we were told by my son we are not allowed to kiss and hug the kids unless we ask them if they want to. We found out through our other two sons that they were told a long time ago that they have to ask the kids if they WANT a kiss or hug. It’s unnatural to us and its breaking our hearts. These are our only grandchildren so far- our sons are 34, 33, and 31. My husband and I both come from big, close families. We feel this is robbing those little ones of love and affection. Do you have any suggestions?
I’m having panic attacks every evening, sometimes they wake me up. I’m so tired in the mornings, I oversleep and I think I could lose my job.  What is the best thing to do? I don’t want to take drugs. more...
I have been taking Zoloft for a year for a severe depression after having a baby.  I wasn’t suicidal, but I didn’t really care about anything.  My mood is better but I am still unhappy most of the time. The side effects are bothering me: I’ve gained lots of weight and my interest in sex hasn’t returned. My doctor says the side effects are a “trade off” with not being so depressed now.  Is there something else wrong with me?
Please know that cancer is a management issue for everyone, whether diagnosed or not.  We are all exposed to influences in the environment that can be modified or prevented only to some extent. Understand and accept that each person and each cancer is unique. 

Labels given to a collection of cells (or the location of those cells)are purely for the purpose of using specific known medical treatments.  The labels themselves are without value and can cause misinformation and emotional trauma. The causative factors of cellular changes remain exclusively personal.  Secondly, eliminate any perception that you have "caused" yourself to create a cancer. There are too many dynamics and influences outside your awareness or control to make a perfect case of causation.  Too many times information is misunderstood and creates expectations and judgments that further burdens your emotional body, adding stress and self-blame.

More useful and accurate, is the view that many factors impacted your physical body's ability to maintain balance in your cells ability to reproduce accurately.  

The human life challenges that cause the stressors in our systems come from so many directions it is unreasonable to expect ourselves to manage all influences at all times,-particularly those outside our consciousness.

Intuitively, for you personally, these are the unique primary circumstances currently affecting your health balance. (1) recent flare-ups of anger with your adult children for rejecting your well-intentioned guidance, (2) early exposure to pseudo estrogens from plastics creating inflammation and circulation blocks in the breast tissue, (3) long-term stress with grief and caring for your mother's illnesses,  (4) a long standing perception of your life as imperfect.  This snapshot of the circumstances that are draining your vitality shifts and change based mostly in how much energy you are spending on self-care. Be compassionate with yourself and recognize that each day has challenges.  Give yourself benefit of knowing you are doing your best.  

Joyfully, there is more power and strength in your system than stressors.  Your overall health in circulation, the level of activity and food choices is well balanced.  You are a great source of compassion and tolerance for others. Using these abilities and refocusing on your needs with that same compassion and tolerance will bring long-term balance to these situations.  Immediate gains will come from asking for help from others to care for day to day needs.  Even small requests will open your neurological receptors reducing stress hormones.  Socializing with positively focused people will refuel your sense of being cared for in peaceful relationship with others.  Put some space between you and your children's problems.  Trust them to work it out. Use that energy on finding your passions. Meditation, of any sort, will help reclaim your power from perfectionistic tendencies and ideas that have been in your family for generations. There are many integrative therapies you can explore and daily life strategies, called epigenetics, which can reinforce your life energy and decrease the impact of exposures to unavoidable environmental factors. Bringing power back to your body through the mind and the spirit is the part you can control. Get the best practitioners for your care. Gather a team that can treat and support every part of you; physical, mental, emotional and psychological. Feel 100% confident in your treatment.  If not get second or even third opinions. Many resources are available to you and I am sending Blessings your way to find the right path to wellness.

August 19th
Why did I get breast cancer?
My husband and I have been long distance grandparents but have seen our 3 and 6 year old grandkids often. They recently moved back here and every time we see them my daughter-in-law says "do you WANT to give Grandma and Papa a kiss or hug?” Most of the time the answer is "No". They are practicing "Attachment Parenting" and this is where the rule is coming from. This week we were told by my son we are not allowed to kiss and hug the kids unless we ask them if they want to. We found out through our other two sons that they were told a long time ago that they have to ask the kids if they WANT a kiss or hug. It’s unnatural to us and its breaking our hearts. These are our only grandchildren so far- our sons are 34, 33, and 31. My husband and I both come from big, close families. We feel this is robbing those little ones of love and affection. Do you have any suggestions?
Why did I get breast cancer?
So good that you are reaching out. You are identifying a relatively new area of behavior that is so neurologically driven, it requires a long course in the workings of the spinal cord to the brain.  The part of the nervous system we are looking at involves coping with stress, feeling loved and being in safe connection with our loved ones or the “tribe” we are born into.  These are three of the most powerful drives in the human system.  They are directly connected to survival of the species and your personal survival, which is why you are feeling so compelled to “stay connected”.  When there is disruption in your life, with relationships particularly, it is seen by the body to be safer to be electronically connected than struggle to resolve seemingly unresolvable emotional issues. There are very few specific interventions developed for this yet, as not many people are willing to admit or notice how it is growing to be a part of their coping with daily stress and also how it replaces their need for the face to face connection to sort our relationships. Having said all that, the following is not true for all people with this symptom, but it is accurate for you at this time. This is a painful circumstance for you and not easy to ignore since you have people around you demanding your attention. This is good as you could easily retreat into a computer world where you have control and feel powerful.  Your feelings of rejection are getting more obvious to you as people overwhelm you with expectations to behave a certain way. The source of this is your in utero experience (before birth) these times were very filled with stress hormones and your body-particularly your brain-is working to learn new ways of managing stress hormones.  The electronics are an easily available and socially accepted method and you are using it to reform the pathways from “overly” stressed to a calmer pattern.  The pitfall with this correction is that is it overly stimulating and is creating a level of neuron firing that is agitating.  See a holistic health provider ( there are many listed in this magazine ) to help discharge the overload of stress on the in utero neurological system and get a baseline of what issues there are in your life that are creating such a sense of loneliness and rejection.  Get outside more often and feel the connection to every part of creation.  You are a great light and the Universe has wonderful plans for you as a healthy human who is able to be a part of any group that celebrates you for your wholeness.
August 26th
I am obsessed with electronics and can’t seem to stop looking at my phone, surfing Facebook, email or especially; playing games. It has annoyed so many of my family that I kind of hide out from them now and play on my phone. I can’t help it.  What can I do?
I am obsessed with electronics and can’t seem to stop looking at my phone, surfing Facebook, email or especially; playing games. It has annoyed so many of my family that I kind of hide out from them now and play on my phone. I can’t help it.  What can I do?   more...
Although there isn’t a specific question about feeling adrift, the statement is emotionally charged with sadness and a weary dissatisfaction.  It is less that this is completely new to you than it is no longer easy for you to be distracted by the structure and stress from your work. This is very common in any life changing experience. On a spectrum of responses to this change, it can be a temporary low level grief or a new awareness of an underlying physical condition.  You appear at this time, to be physically strong with underlying stressors and unmet needs. Stress and unmet needs can be debilitating and certainly causes a disconnect from your emotional body, causing that unanchored and adrift sensation.  

Many times in seeing this, I’m given the image of a world view where the person is having a fine life on the surface where the sun is shining and the flowers are blooming and yet underneath there is a gray river of emptiness or boredom.  That emptiness can be ignored when it is filled with children, work or a marriage. When a change like retirement, divorce or children leaving the home removes the distraction the gray river of emptiness becomes more apparent.  If your work life was stressful and your response had high levels of adrenaline, you will also feel a significant drop in energy as adrenaline is one of the important neurohormones that create mood.  

Approaches to bringing you to a less adrift place include determining what creates a better hormonal response in your brain.  Some questions that can dig this out include: “What was my favorite game or activity before age 10?”  Meditate on the enjoyment of that activity and how you can recreate that in the now. For example, if you loved to bike-try spinning at the gym or get out on the road with a bike you can love.  If playing house was more your style, consider what part of that was most satisfying- the cooking? the redecorating? taking care of the babies? If you were a book reader, find a group that does book study-or better yet start writing for yourself! Use the energy and creativity that you applied to your work life, to expanding parts of yourself that were left undeveloped or hidden. 

Another strategy is to interview people who know you well.  Do this in a semi-amused setting but being clear that you are really looking to “see yourself” through the others eyes.  The revelations we find when we genuinely ask others to participate in creating a part of our life can be amazing. Ask questions: “What do you see me doing five years from now?”, “What do you think I would most enjoy as a hobby?”,  Where do I seem happiest to you?”  Sample young and old but only trusted people.  

Often change, even if it is welcome, can be uncovering painful emotions and situations your previous lifestyle left unresolved.  Explore traditional and complementary options, until you find the combination that surrounds you with the support and education you need.  Start with the practitioners at centeredwellness.org for certified practitioners that can help you build your best life experience.

September 1
I’m retired and feel adrift. J. C.
 As I look at your daughter, it is clearly more environmental than anatomy; an intolerance to a chemical exposure.  Walk with her through any beauticeuticals she uses or has used on skin, hair, nails especially anything that is a spray.  Start there to identify and then clear the offending chemicals.  Recall that this may have been a one-time use triggering a sensitivity that is challenging her immune/ lymphatic system, so go back to when she first experienced the break outs.

  • Most Offensive and Common triggers:
  • Spray tan ( booth or home )
  • Perfumes with pheromones 
I have a friend whose parents bought a daughter the expensive CK perfume that was intended for both genders.  It is pheromone based, meant as a sexual “attractant.”  Her hormones were severely disrupted, abruptly started showing seemingly psychiatric signs of mood swings, irritability, sleep disruption and thinking “foggy.”  The symptoms went on for four months before they recognized the source of the problem through a good practitioner.  
  • Screen out makeup and nail polish with dangerous bases, such as arsenic.  
  • Use of over the counter health care products is next.  
  • Mainstream bubble baths, oils, lotions and deodorants are created by petrochemical corporations-eliminate them.    
  • Common Insect repellant

Future Prevention
  • Find organic feminine products for her use during menses.  The heavily marketed products are GMO cotton and saturated in bleach to make the fibers white.  
  • Educate her  to use only organic, no-GMO products made by reputable companies with a long standing commitment to products that are green, clean and safe for any use.  
  • Consult a homeopathic professional for detoxifying homeopathics that will clear the current symptoms while you track down her sensitivity.
  • If you have the energy, sign petitions, add your voice to your government representatives on any or all of these issues.

Although she is having this skin experience, her compensation in her system is excellent.   Her liver is clearly doing a good job of filtering out damaging toxins and excreting them rather than having them gather in the organs.  All this may seem expensive at first, until you start to add the costs of the products she will be using to try to clear the skin.  The copayments at the dermatologist also really add up.  

Thank you for the question.  We all need to stay awake and aware.
September 8
My daughter is sixteen. Her skin suddenly started breaking out in red acne. Her cycles started a year ago without any problem. It just seems odd
I’m retired and feel adrift. J. C.
 There is a decisional conflict located in your left knee.  The spiritual body has a zig-zag pattern of energy from left knee to right ankle.  This is blocked with a terror of moving on and leaving your children and “clan.”  

Moving on is an ancient fear all humans experience to greater or lesser degrees.  This survival fear is a clan and also personal survival program that lives in every human limbic system on the planet. Thousands of years ago when this body system formed, not many humans could exist outside the clan without the help of others when the predictable struggles of weather, food, and injury occurred.  Many people still operate at this level consciously; others unconsciously.  Your fear is unconscious, and your knee is pointing to this and signaling that it is time to “move on” with some decisions- both big and small.  

Knees are the first part of the body to break the air space around us in movement and will often be the part of the body to send a message like this.  Please know that everyone has this basic fear. Circumstances and personality help us use those cautions about movement at differing levels of awareness.  The more aware you are, the less troubling are the “warning signals” from the limbic system.

That’s a deep topic and deserves more exploration. You would benefit most from listing out potential areas of movement you may be avoiding and discussing with a trusted friend, therapist or complementary care person.  Those people may be able to observe what unconscious threat is holding you back from moving on with confidence and reflect it back to you for thought.  

Work is an obvious area of decision for you now.  You are familiar with this area but bored and frustrated.  Interestingly there are three other areas where the Universe is sending invitations for you to consider regarding movement and decisions.  They all look like wonderful opportunities.  
Choosing is a difficult process for you.  This lifetime your childhood patterns and experiences were difficult regarding not being given many choices.  Often the choices you were able to make, had painful results. 

Look to taking care of your gallbladder and liver where strategies and decisions are processed-yours are stressed.  This time of year is perfect as the digestive system is ready to “tune up” in the Fall.

All signs point to great opportunities if you allow other people to help you through this time.   Consider making a team of experts, rather than trying to depend on one person.  Think of your life as an Olympic sport and gather a group of people to help you strengthen those areas that are calling for assistance. The team might include a good talk therapist, a physical therapist that does myofascial release, a naturopath or primary care doctor with a background in holistic care and a general life path coach.  Make sure these people are warm, loving nonjudgmental and highly skilled.  Ask your friends for their input and referrals.  You may find many of these practitioners under your general health insurance.  If you must pay out of pocket, please remember that you are the only worthwhile investment on the planet. 

September 16
What is the pain in my left knee? It comes and goes especially bad at work even though I can sit if I choose.  Interestingly you use the word “choose” as to whether to sit or not at work.  Choosing is where you are stuck.
My daughter is sixteen. Her skin suddenly started breaking out in red acne. Her cycles started a year ago without any problem. It just seems odd more...
What is the pain in my left knee? It comes and goes especially bad at work even though I can sit if I choose.  Interestingly you use the word “choose” as to whether to sit or not at work.  Choosing is where you are stuck.  more
There are several pieces to this puzzle. You are a perfectionist personality, and you work hard to stay in tune with what others want.  This makes it challenging ever to get it “right” as there is never a complete “right” and each person you are trying to please has a different idea of what that “perfect result” looks like.  Your workplace shows that to you clearly and keeps you at a high level of frustration that never really gets satisfied-even when someone assures you they are pleased.

When you are with people who are more relaxed, you let your guard down.  Afterward, you realize they still have expectations, and you withdraw, get cold or hide your disappointment. You have yourself hemmed on all sides with the attachments to having people love you at all times. You know consciously this makes no sense and teach people this often in your work and your relationships. 

Stubbornly, your heart believes that if you “try hard enough” you can make anything happen. You have this mixed up with the physics of manifestation on the planet Earth. Yes, you can manifest anything that is purely yours on the planet. You ( or anyone else ) cannot manifest anything that depends on other people.  That is called a project and requires a certain give and take of energy that you are ready to explore but are still bruised and upset from past experiences.

There are many modalities that work with correcting persistent belief systems that are “stuck” in the mental body that create tension and fear in the emotional body.  Find a practitioner of EFT, Cognitive behavioral, or a good life coach that can bear with your feeling unreasonable anger with them at times.  Putting our feelings on others is a common experience when we open up an area of old pain. It’s called projection, and it allows us to observe what is going on inside our emotional body, one step removed from owning the experience and the emotion as our own.  

Please be kind to yourself.  Being confused about this is okay, and it is easy to resolve when you allow the defenses of denial and fear of being exposed as needing others to love you.  You will then release the deep longing for love and allow yourself to experience what is all around you on a regular basis. Many people love you already-you are too fearful to see it.  Please do not allow anyone to tell you that you must love yourself before you can allow others to love you. Each person starts where they start; other love or self-love is still love and will feed the parts of you that are being filled with food and words.  Allow others to help-you are worth the effort.

How can I stop being angry?  I have worked on this my whole life in so many ways, and it just keeps coming back up.  Sometimes it takes all my attention to keep from letting it go on someone.  Even myself-I overeat, I overtalk, and I feel ashamed, and then I get even angrier.
You are vowed to a Soul path in this life on the planet for 60 years as a purifier. Your attunement to this work is excellent. You pick up very low vibes all day, every day for everyone you meet. Often in the dream space, also.in the past you have allowed these energies to move through you pretty easily without any “hangover” or feelings of discouragement. 
Recently though, you have become attached to the idea that you will never feel any better about yourself as you grow older. There is an underlying despair now that causes a back up of fluid around you pelvis and soon your heart. Has there been a recent loss? Or is it just your perception that being young and perhaps beautiful is important? This is challenging your ability to move to the next step in your life. It isn’t purely clear where your hook is located-there is gray over the left shoulder. What is clear is the way to recover. Release any conscious or unconscious ideas that you are “done”. You are misperceiving being older with being ready to die. There are many opportunities for you to be active and responsive to people around you. Work to get outside these ideas that slow you down and continue to do your perfect work with enjoyment. On a physical level it would be very useful to learn womb massage. Find a good practitioner and get trained. A gentle walk around the block before bed is wonderful for your situation.

"Why do my feet hurt every morning?"
How can I stop being angry?  I have worked on this my whole life in so many ways, and it just keeps coming back up.  Sometimes it takes all my attention to keep from letting it go on someone.  Even myself-I overeat, I overtalk, and I feel ashamed, and then I get even angrier.  more
“I’m losing compassion for my husband’s hearing loss. I think God helps those who help themselves.”

You have lost focus. As frustrating as the actual circumstance of trying to communicate with someone who can’t hear well is losing track of what troubles you. 

The current situation of hearing loss and the aggravation it causes is bringing to your attention that there is an ancient low-level anger with your husband. If you believe in past lives, the roots of this pattern start there and continue in current life with your father’s habits of withholding communication from you and your mother as well.

His stubbornness with taking care of himself and refusal to see how it impacts your relationship is at the core of the current “evidence” of his lack of caring. It may or may not help your feelings to know he is very apprehensive about aging, loss of function and being dependent on you. Any attempt to tell him what to do will backfire. That is his personality and not his strength. He has qualities you still love and rely on in the marriage. Pointing out his disability will only strengthen his refusal. More importantly, struggling with him over that one aspect of the relationship is causing you to lose focus.  

The real problem? Your unmet needs are not heard. You have rarely had compassion for yourself. It feels unfamiliar. It may be more comfortable to stay focused on his problems rather than learn what you need.

It is common for people to be either “other or self-focused.” Ideally, we would choose options that keep us balanced. As in any balance, we can tip one way or the other and perhaps get stuck. It is very easy to lose our focus on the central point and get side-tracked on the current symptom, causing us to place that one issue in the forefront.

An example of tragic loss of focus is the infamous Eastern Air Lines Flight 401. The airplane crashed into the Florida Everglades December 29, 1972, causing 101 fatalities. The captain, along with one of two flight crew members survived and reported the circumstances. The accident occurred as a result of the entire flight crew becoming preoccupied with a burnt-out landing gear indicator light, and failing to notice the autopilot had inadvertently been disconnected. As a result, while the flight crew was distracted with the indicator problem, the aircraft gradually lost altitude and crashed. 

 It is very easy for pent up feelings to push our buttons while in the midst of being compassionate to others, causing us to lose compassion for ourselves. Be kind and forgiving to yourself, first. Your next practice is to focus on what is your need right now-Ask yourself “How do I meet this need?” Recognizing and satisfying your needs is a new skill for you and will need a good life coach to support and grow you in this area. We all have areas that are undiscovered, and you are ready, willing and able to get started on this one! 

  Real Issues, Real People, Real Answers

December 2016
Are there special preparations we should make in regards to world events?
This interesting question came to me from a presentation I did with several other intuitives at a Betsy Muller, Indigo breakfast meeting October 2016. The answer follows. Begin to seriously use meditation and prayer. Focus on what aspect of world events is attracting your attention. Dig deeply into each of yourselves and own what is most disturbing is your next step. Ask the question “What do I need to bring to consciousness to know that what is out there is also in here-inside me?” Accept that whatever part of the world is drawn to you is a part of yourself. Find it and eliminate any separation and disturbance it causes in you. Prepare yourself for the release of your ego and entitlement that leads you to want or have more than what you need to live an abundant sustainable life.

December 21, 2016
Why can't I find a man of integrity who will love me and be with me? 
There is such a loud, heartfelt cry in your question it blurs the answer. As I am still and listen, I hear that you are among a quantum number of people on the planet at this time feeling lost, left behind, unfulfilled or angry with dreams that became empty. 

For you personally, please know that the decade from 2015-2025 is asking you for introspection and self-fulfillment, rather than being fulfilled through others. As you can imagine, this is not the best time to be looking outward for partners. There are potentials for partnering but they lie beyond the obvious natural world needs for closeness and intimacy. 
What this means is a relationship built on spiritual commitment and growth. This relationship can mean many different things considering that spiritual growth can be painful as well as joy filled and awesome. It would require you to develop patience with yourself. Picking a partner with self-control and a clear view of themselves will help with commitment. Know that what you are asking the Universe to provide in your life will force you to dig around in your beliefs and perhaps push you to changes you are a little fearful of making. 
Your ideal situation would be to refresh and renew an old acquaintance or love interest that may have matured with time. Assuming that you have matured your expectations and moved into forgiveness, there are plenty of men who would work to be the partner you would like. This man would be ready to support your Soul need for introspection and self-development in a committed relationship while nurturing his needs. Have Faith in yourself and your worth. You deserve the support of your beliefs, even if you feel others aren’t there for you at times.

I seem to be spinning my wheels with my vocation, afraid to commit to anything. My marital life is beyond disappointing, but I can't seem to make any headway in providing for myself, and the whole scenario overwhelms me with guilt and self-loathing at times. Why am I so stuck here? Why the sense of unworthiness and invalidity? Why the fear of moving on?

I see that your belief system allows you to understand past lives as having an impact on this lifetime. Given that view, it’s best to understand your current situation from the lens of these past life emotional traumas. You have had eleven experiences where your life ended due to being trapped. The traps were in different domains or bodies: emotional, physical, psychological and spiritual. For example, a particularly frightening lifetime was in servitude as a woman committed to a religious life spent in service to an abusive priest. Another lifetime as a small child you fell into a canyon and passed from starvation. The past lives stories of trauma connected to “no way out” have left a deep energetic impression on your Soul. Terror of intimacy and commitment with images of being tied down struggle with wanting people to know where you are at all times and fearing to be alone. As you can see these create a polarity of the cliché of “a rock and a hard place.” Either choice you make creates an emotional and psychological disturbance. You are trying to live from both sides of the polarity now and are never satisfied or safe with either choice- resulting in the self-loathing you describe.

 Your Soul is longing for reparative experiences in this lifetime. Reparative experiences are those where you would see and know that your options are limitless and you are free to move, grow and live as an independent woman within close, loving relationships. The habits of this lifetime are locking you into the repetition patterns you describe with such accuracy. Do not use Hypnosis or Akashic record readings at this time as you can become intrigued with all the past life stories and still not move ahead with your current life. It is very seductive for any of us to re-live a story from the past, even current life stories, rather than move on and create a present life that we love.
Sometimes, to become successful, and get closer to the person we can become, we don’t need to add more things, we need to give up on some of them. 

Some of them you can give up today, while it might take a bit longer for others. Give up victim ideas, give up feeling powerless, give up self-hate. Please be reassured that this is not hopeless. You are very close to resolution. You are set for action now and unsure where to place your next step. Know that this lifetime is very different. You have infinite resources internally, increased consciousness and no scheduled traumas.  
Here are some resources for you to consider: 
Yoga is a wonderful place to allow your mind and body to have an internal conversation about life. The following three people are all trusted yoga teachers. Start with an individual session for a recommendation. Well worth a small investment of time!
Renee Sharpless http://premahealingcleveland.com/ , 
Dawn Schroeder http://www.satnamcleveland.com/ , 
Tolisa Mize-Horning http://www.centeredwellness.org/Tolisa-Mize-Horning.html 

An energetic counselor with tools for helping you feel safe and manage ancient emotions while building your current self-esteem is ideal. Here are two that would be a good fit for you: 
Debbie Jones http://www.theidealmethod.com/ 
Mary Lee Boeswetter http://healinginsight.net/

Louise Hay has methods for self-esteem repair that are tried and true.  Reach out to Theresa Rutledge at lovingyourselfworkshops@gmail.com>for a conversation about the next right steps. 

Any one of these places is the best place to start!  Congratulate yourself -you are well on the road to recovering your power. Stay in touch and let me know how your life unfolds.

November 2016
Why is it that I don't feel like getting out of bed and get going in the morning?
There are three reasons for your situation. 
1)You are mildly depressed due to world situations over which you have no control and little direct impact.
2)You are looking for solutions from other people and groups for problems you have lived with for decades.
3)The lethargy seems to be with you all the time-not just in the mornings, but is 60% improved when you are socializing.
Many people believe that knowing the source of a problem will create or indicate a solution. That is a good strategy if you are working with machines, but is rarely the case when it comes to humans. You have complexity here as the “why” of the situation, but the solution is clear. The source of your correction lies in your Soul and spiritual body. You need a major awakening of your MIND / BODY. This lifetime has led you to challenges but none has really reached into your heart/mind and shook you up enough to cause an “I LOVE my life!” experience. The French phrase is ennui. A feeling of weariness and discontent resulting from lack of interest; boredom.
If you are spending much time in front of a computer, TV or phone this can be the causative situation or exacerbating an underlying physical trait of depression ( though mild ).  
Please get outside. If you don’t feel the urge to walk-find a bench and look at the trees or the grass. You need stimulation in your life that is genuine and belongs only to you. Find a game you use to love as a child and do it again. Feel stupid jumping rope? Get a rebounder. It’s silly for adults to ride a bike? Not so- the park and side streets are filled with all ages. Like a particular board game? Ask three more friends in and serve popcorn and lemonade….get going. You have so much to offer the world and the world has so much it wants to give to you. You are waiting to be invited and this is it “YOU ARE HAPPILY INVITED TO PARTICIPATE IN YOUR LIFE!” 
Do you have any thoughts to share on my husband's newly diagnosed Meniere's disease?

Meniere’s ( pronounced “men-ears” ) is a western medicine name for a constellation of these symptoms: Signs and symptoms of Meniere's disease include ( from Mayo clinic post ):
•Recurring episodes of vertigo. You have a spinning sensation that starts and stops spontaneously. Episodes of vertigo occur without warning and usually last 20 minutes to several hours, but not more than 24 hours. Severe vertigo can cause nausea and vomiting.
•Hearing loss. Hearing loss in Meniere's disease may come and go, particularly early on. Eventually, most people have some permanent hearing loss.
•Ringing in the ear (tinnitus). Tinnitus is the perception of a ringing, buzzing, roaring, whistling or hissing sound in your ear.
•Feeling of fullness in the ear. People with Meniere's disease often feel pressure in the affected ears (aural fullness) or on the side of their heads.

The picture of the cochlea gives you a good idea of how the fluid build up can occur.  In your husbands situation there is a displacement of his vertebrae on the left side of the cervical plexus.  It goes in and out of alignment and causes the lymphatic system to "back up" on fluid release in the ear on the right.  He may have symptoms on the left as well due to the need for the body to balance fluid.  The best solution is cranial sacral therapy to keep the adjustment aligned and retrain the system to release.  There are several excellent practitioners of cranial sacral therapy in your area-here is a link to one in the Centered Wellness group: http://www.centeredwellness.org/Mary-Lee-Boesewetter.html .  Yoga is also beneficial to releasing the holding patterns.  

Forgiveness. How can I create it for myself? 

 "I forgive myself for allowing others to hurt and betray me."

Recognition of your part in the events and circumstances of life is the biggest challenge of this lifetime. Your current approach is moving rapidly from self-blame to confusion.  
You are expending an enormous amount of psychic ( emotional ) energy as you mentally work to sort and order who did what to whom and what is yours. This is the hardest method for anyone as it requires judgment. Judgment can so easily slide into judgmental. I suggest assessing and responding rather than judging and reacting. Particularly for you. Your astrological composition is bringing you to your knees ( both literally and emotionally as your knees are feeling weak when you consider being responsible for other’s pain ). This astrological configuration works to awaken you to the oneness of all your lifetimes- a master step! Your step by step and situation by situation approach is keeping you caught up in the details of what “to do” next. The underlying difficulty is that you ( or anyone ) can never REALLY know what the true source of disturbance is in life. The factors that make up even a fragment of a lifetime are complex beyond comprehension. Start with that.  

Everyone has been the “bad guy, ” and everyone has been the “good guy.” We are at a place in our evolution where it is forgive and forget time. Neutrality. Transmuting emotions is the job. That’s at the higher level of the immaterial world and your Soul body. If you find you have offended someone in the natural material world and can make amends-don’t hesitate to write a note, make the call, send flowers to offer your apology in any way that is appropriate. If the natural world approaches aren’t an option or the situation is so complicated, your next best step is to take it to prayer-always a good first step, too! 

Hoʻoponopono is the Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and is wonderful for situations that are outside your reach and sometimes even human understanding.  Wikipedia has a great explanation of this strategy. Here is the English summary: I apologize, Please forgive me, I love you, Thank you.  Repeat in a mantra form as often as the circumstance comes to mind. Recall also that the part of you that is suffering is feeling self-blame. Repeat often that “I forgive myself for allowing fear to drive me.” “ I am human now. I forgive and am forgiven.” 

If your spiritual beliefs allow-find a space that is sacred and create a ritual of release from the fear that your betrayal, in whatever form, has caused pain. Be gentle with yourself. You are making an important Soul step, and it deserves time, energy and also plenty of rest. Sleep more. Your dreams will help you in resolution. Recall that creating pain for yourself does not balance the scales. It just creates more pain in the world. “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” You are here to see and release. Be Love.

​Isn't using Tarot cards against trusting God?

The most important part of your answer is that if it worries you do not do it.  Be thoughtful about any of your concerns and see if they are valid or a fear based response to old patterns.  This is a very thoughtful question and wonderful that you are checking out a practice that many see as harmless or useful.

Originally in the fifteenth century Tarot cards were used to play games, such as we currently do with a regular card deck.  Many religions during that time banned playing cards altogether as the sin of sloth and cards in general were off to a bad start!  

In the mid-fifteenth century, an occult deck was designed with the purpose of divination or the prediction of the future. The history of Tarot cards gets spotty as it's use was either genuinely meant for dark arts purpose or the influences of the church marked it as such.  Either way, the need for humans to use tools to predict their future caused a separation from the intention of oneness with God.

Currently,  there are those in the Light of love who may use it effectively to channel Planetary guidance based in their understanding of the historical card meanings and they focus towards current events and helping others.  The difficulty with the use of Tarot ( or any humanly designed practice for interpreting Divine or planetary guidance ) is having the wisdom and the ability to discern genuine Guidance from a system of human interpretation based on the definitions of the cards.  

Further, the energy of a history of the practice still creates a shadow over the tool.  Human intentions are strong transcending time and staying with objects, people and practices.  The Bible is an example of how the positive intentions and belief in the word of God, make it a strong tool for good, even in the practice of holding or keeping it nearby. Identically are these tools held with the opposite energies.

This is where you feel disturbed.  Your beliefs and values direct you to Divine guidance only.  Many others have belief systems that include planetary guidance as equally valuable as Divine guidance.  Their definition of God is quite different from yours and includes other forms of "predicting".  I put predicting into quotation marks as an indication that the practice I see and use does not include divination.  

The direct intuitive guidance for you is this:  "Be alert for anyone or any practice that causes you to feel overly concerned with what is happening within the confines of the planet.  God's plan is immutable and is good for all.  Therefore be of good Faith and know that you are one with the plan, the purpose and the practices of God on this planet."  

The practices that create a closeness to your God are centered in Love, Joy and Compassion for others.  These are manifold and you will know by the positive results of the practice that it is from God and for your good.  Using this as your guideline, know that there are many card decks that are not Tarot and not used for divination.  These are cards that are intended to be used as a tool to accessing your own internal God self.  These cards offer ideas, meditations, stories and concepts to bring you comfort, strategies and skills to be more effective and authentically your true self as God designed you to be in this life.

May 2017

"People don't like me."

I hear your question.  Although your upper head aura is pretty satisfied with the statement above, your six other chakra are not. The question is not in your mental body, but your heart. The question I hear is, "What is wrong with me?"   The age of your heart appears much younger than your physical energetic body.  Your heart has become arrested in an early developmental stage of adolescence.  You were unsure of your body, your skills and expected rejection. There doesn't appear to be an actual rejection. More of an acutely sensitive person living on a planet that is a little rough on sensitive people.

Your own self treatment has caused this to become a chronic wound. You expect rejection, hide it very well from others and then reject yourself through absence of self care. Often you don't even know what you truly want. You appear withdrawn and disinterested in others. It is hard to say people actually reject you, because they never really have the chance. It looks like you have created that personality to be untouchable and safe.  You have talents in areas of music, writing and design of all sorts. With your distraction of being internally focused, you miss connecting and being present to people who would fit nicely with who you genuinely are at heart. 

Living from your "head" or your mental body has become a habit. That great heart energy is being spent hiding the pain and fear involved around the initial injury of being roughly treated. This is self rejection as your heart is clear and loud on what it needs and would like to create.  It feels like protection, but actually just hurts you further.  

When you see yourself, all you see is the wound. You pick at yourself and harbor resentment towards others who have no idea they offended you.  Please know that what you look at increases.  It leaves you with very tiny intentions or energy for relationship with yourself or others. Journal your stories about others and then put a big X through them. The stories have become your method of using your creative skills in a destructive way.  Bring them out of your head and get in the habit of writing it out of your heart.  Or see them as the beginning of your novel. Create a character who is living that "internal wound" and put the stories to good use.  

Oddly enough, your social skills are great.  I say oddly, because you spend much of your time on self introspection.  You, therefore, must have natural social skills.  This means you are choosing to withdraw from habit and need to be supported through the stage of development that eluded you.  

Interested in bringing that lovely Sensitive heart into your life?

Get a life coach with skills for correcting the habits and resolving the wound.
Contact Rian Dean-a practitioner that works with wounded empathic people ( Sensitives )http://www.centeredwellness.org/Rian-Dean.html
Contact Betsy Muller-Emotional Freedom Technique would work well for you

Get a journal
Write out those angry, rejected stories. X them out or create a character to live them in a book. Intention is important here.
Ask yourself and journal:
What would I love?
What is one thing I learned today?
What will I do to apply this?
What action step(s) will I take?

You are easy to like.  Take a leap of faith and try liking others.  Be Well, Be Blessed.